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Tamers Abridged - Episode 2 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script Davis: Previously on Digimon! Guilmon: ...ERRRRRRRRRRRRRGH Takato: Hghghghghghghghghg Davis: And now the thrilling conclusion! Takato: *Hghg laughing* Guilmon: ERRR HRR HRR HRR HRR HRR Takato: Ah, the miracle of childbirth. *Opening* Takato's Dad: TAKATO, LOOK! BREAD'S IN THE NEWS! Mom: Honey, that's a crossword puzzle. Dad: FIVE DOWN! AND WHY ARE YOU LATE? Takato: Sorry Dad, I've taken up boxing! I've brought a friend for a sleepover, so don't bother us. Dad: YOU DON'T TALK BACK. THE NEWSPAPER DON'T TALK BACK. WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO RELY ON?! Mom: Honey, remember, you're not actually angry. Dad: I just wanna be in the news. *Guilmon in Takato's room* Guilmon: PARTY TIME! *Knocks over desk* Your parties suck. Takato: *Scolding* That's what you get for not inviting me. Besides it was BYOB. I brought my box, where's yours? *Guilmon silently points to himself* Takato: Right! I'm Takato! Guilmon: I'm...Box? Takato: No, you're Guilm- yes. And tomorrow you're Sticky Ricky! Oh, hang on a second- *Pulls out goggles* These are in case someone wants to poke my eye. Imprrresssed-uh? *Cut to HYPNOS* Talley: *Serious* We're getting another trying to bioemerge. Yamaki: LAUNCH MISSILES! Riley: *Impatient* For the last time, boss- Yamaki: LAUNCH MISSILES- I DON'T CARE! Talley: *Deadpan* Sir, we're an intelligence agency. Yamaki: LAUNCH INTELLIGENCE MISSILES THEN! *Cut to park as light and fog appears* Girl: *Romantic* The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they? Boy: Yeah, but when will terrorism stop...? *They turn and see the fog* Girl: What's that? Boy: It's God, wanting you to not masturbate. *Rika puts on sunglasses, runs into fog, takes glasses back off* Rika: Well that didn't help. Renamon! Renamon: I’m on it. Girl: Whoa! Was that a fox? Boy: My mom won’t find you attractive. Rika: *Looking at Digivice* Hmm. “Goblimon: Has tough hide and a fireball attack. Not as happy as he appears in photo.” *Renamon kicks him in the chest* Goblimon: Uh, excuse me, ma’am, is there a reason you poked me in the chest- *punches him in the face* OOH... Why are you doing this to m- OOF! Rika: This is gonna be easier than I thought. *Guy is making out with his girlfriend in the park. Starts blowing into her head and it inflates. Calumon appears and just watches with a concerned face. Loud bang* Boy: I’ve cleansed you. *Calumon’s forehead flashes. Goblimon suddenly digivolves to Fugamon* Fugamon: What happened?! Why am I large and red?! Rika: He got stronger! Get him! Fugamon: No! I didn’t do that-! *Renamon multi-punches him* Stop! You have to understand! Rika: Take away our sand?! Those are our beaches! Kill him! Renamon: Diamond Storm! Fugamon: No- AGH! *Renamon kills him and downloads his data* Rika: It breaks my shirt to kill another Digimon. *Smiles* *Cut to Takato’s dad setting the sign out front* Dad: AFTER SEVEN YEARS, WE- ARE- O-PEEEEN~. *Takato stealing bread* Mom: *Calling from the other room* Honey, you better give that bread to your friends! Those are business cards! *Turning agitated* God knows we can’t afford PAPER! Dad: LOOK! OUR BUDGET WAS FOR THE SIGN, WE GOT THE SIGN...! Takato: Sure thing, Mom! I’m off to be violently bullied for these goggles! Dad: AND TAKE YOUR STUPID BOX FRIEND WITH YOU! *Chucks Guilmon out the window* Takato: Wow, Guilmon you’re heavy. Talk about a WIDE SCREEN. Guilmon: I just bit my tongue-mon. *Cut to construction site* Takato: Listen Sticky Ricky, you need to stay here. This box is your new home. Forever. I don't want people to make fun of you for how weird you are. Especially with a name like that. *Leaves* Guilmon: Aroooooo...mon. *Cut to school* Ms Asaji: Takato, you’re up next! *Takato jumps* Jeri: You didn't break a leg. You can’t enter the Paralympics. Takato: AGH! Third-string cripple again! *Shows Guilmon walking around in the box* Guilmon: Ahoihoihoi. *Takato stares silently in shock* Jeri: Brain damage. He qualifies. Asaji, Jeri, Kazu, a couple random kids: YAAAY! *Big band music plays. Cut to Guilmon walking past the principal* Principal: Good morning, Stan. Hm? You seem much shorter today... Guilmon: I’m in a box! Principal: Quit complaining, Stan! None of us make that much money! Guilmon: Do you have a box? Principal: Oh! Janitor gets a box, now look at him! Take it off, you middle class piece of sh-*BEEP*! *Falls back with the box* Guilmon: Ha-ha! Hahahaha! You fell down! I’m Principal now... *sinister music plays* Principal: *Whimpering, hits the fire alarm* OWWW. Asaji: Huh? Well kids, that’s the fire drill. Everybody get inside. Jeri: You gotta go put it out, Takato. Takato: Why me? Jeri: Everyone else is going blind for next year. Takato: Uhh... *Looks at them briefly* Kazu: Please take off the handcuffs, Takato... Principal: I’m so glad you’re okay, Stan! Stan: *Guilmon voice* I was framed! *Takato runs panting into the hall* Kid 1: Principal said he saw a dinosaur! Imaginations are stupid! Kid 2: My hand doesn’t work! Kid 3: I wish Stan was my dad! Kid 4: I wish Stan wasn’t my dad. Kid 3: You take that back, you son of a b-*BEEP*! Takato: *Thinking* No! Guilmon... *Commercial break* Jay: We’ll be right back with more Digimon: Digital Monsters! *Sonic X commercial* Sonic: Hey kids! This is Sonic! Just sayin’: I’m sorry. Jay: Now back to Digimon! Tails: Only on Jetix! Ehhhhhh. Takato: *Really fast* Guilmon! Henry: Uh... huh? Takato: Guilmon... where could he be? Henry: Hey. *Echoes* You said “Guilmon”. You’re a tamer aren’t you? You might be able to help me with something. What is “Terriermon” exactly? His name is “Terrier”, but he looks nothing like a dog; I mean look. *Terriermon walks out* What was the direction here? He’s got big ears and he’s got a horn. And you know when he digivolves he gets guns and he gets pants. I- I mean, I’m not saying it’s wrong; I just don’t follow the idea. Terriermon: You must not be a very good tamer if you lost your Digimon already. Henry: WHOA. You could have said “Hey” (hey, hey) first. Takato: *Running and crying* He’s right. I’m never gonna see Guilmon again! Henry: Hey (hey, hey)... look how happy we are (are, are, we, we, we). Takato: We’re never gonna be the happiest of friends like those two! Henry: We’re still happy (happy, happy). Takato: How come bread lasts longer than my friendships?! Henry: Lasagna (lasagna, lasagna). *Takato runs all the way to the roof, sees Guilmon* Takato: Oh... Guilmon! Guilmon: Hn? Takatomon! *Mauls him* Takato: Okay, boy, okay- Ah! AGH! AAAAGH! *Guilmon giggles, looks at him for a second, pokes him in the eye, squish* Guilmon: See Takatomon? Dreams do come true! Davis: WHOA, DUDES. HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT TAKATO'S EYES ARE RED? THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CRYING! WHAT A JERK! TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE DIGIMON: DIGITAL MONSTERS! *Ending credits* Vee: It's time for Davis: An After School Special. Davis: Hey kids! Be sure to get your parents' permission before you go to jail! Vee: Davis: An After School Special. Stay tuned for the Sochi 2014 Paralympics Abridged! For every event, there is the dismount. Tails: Only on JETIX! Eh, you're watching... Ehh... Please don't go away... Could really use the views... Our ratings are nonexistent by this point. Category:Episode Scripts